Thoughts on Getting Older
4 min read
For as long as I could remember, I always wanted to restart writing again right after I started my self-employment & my website. Hence I kept postponing them as building my career has always been my top priority. Even though many people said that age is just a number, I personally think that it’s more than that. There’s a glimpse of accomplishment I’d like to encounter every time I’m about to end a decade. I manifested to be a part of the province-level community when I was 19. And when I turned 20, I was shortlisted as Jakarta’s Tourism Ambassador.
The situation hits differently during my late 20s, as I had reached my initial goal by the age of 25; which is to move to Bali and live my life on my own. I have a pretty stable career, having such an amazing list of clienteles, I produced the proper quality of design works & I have my side job as a Group Fitness Instructor and it’s going pretty well as well.
After all of those, it seems there’s a big question mark above my head about what I’m going to do onwards; especially when a pandemic outbreak hits Bali and many businesses closed their doors. I took the first 3-month period of the outbreak to re-think everything, and I eventually found a side hustle as a portrait illustrator, and it went pretty well as I kept getting inquiries even until this month.
I started breaking down every possible aspect to strengthen the foundations, both physical, and mental; both body, and mind. I started re-learning yoga and guided meditation from YouTube and some of my favorite instructors on Instagram, as I know that it requires a good mind to support any physical activities. So far, yoga is good for me as I can practice my flexibility. Meanwhile, guided meditation helps me to support how I breathe; as I know that breathing is important for a cardiovascular-based instructor like myself.
I started to exercise for myself as well. I started to re-learn weight training by 29; which was actually last year for such a reason. Imagine when you’re no longer able to do a proper push-up on stage just because your arms feel too weak to move. I understand the fact that I went through a pretty strict diet as well; during the early period of the pandemic, I stress eating myself and that was the first time I hit 84 kgs with 23% body fat; which for me, it was not okay. I also study how proper nutrition can affect my body. I started to break down what I consume in a day, which was quite challenging, especially in the first 3 weeks of the journey.
As an avid introvert, I tend to love quiet gym hall. I’d rather exercise as early as 5:30 AM until 7 AM. At least those are the times when many gyms are quiet enough for me to study my deadlift form. I used to feel uncomfortable as I felt like being watched in the gym. But lately, I switched my mindset as I always forget my professional persona as a Group Fitness Instructor, therefore people might recognize me and that is supposed to be fine.
I was easily intimidated by those people who can lift heavy plates. But now, I make peace with myself as I understand that to lift 250 kgs, those people started as light as 60 kgs. And to understand that I am in a competition with nobody but myself. It is okay to make mistakes. It is okay if I cannot reach 80 kgs. As time goes by, I lift 120 kgs, and that’s already a better version of myself than 2 months ago. Not to mention other than taking care of my physique & wellbeing, there is some stuff that I had to learn all by myself: planning. Any form of plans: financial, career plan, spending plan, grocery lists, and many more.
I remembered when many of my close peers were questioning as I looked financially stable during the first year of the pandemic. Other than I thankfully kept getting both design & illustration inquiries, it’s 70%, I can tell, it’s about how you manage your finances. I really had to be street smart when it comes to money as I knew, I sucked at accounting. But I am keen to re-learn the basics of financial management. And it saved my life.
Another important thing is how I spend my money. During my early & the mid 20s, I tend to put many wish lists of items that I’d like to own without thinking about its functionality and how to sustain the product(s) would be. In my late 20s, I’d rather purchase product(s) that are at a higher amount of price, but I know I’ll use the product(s) for couple of years. And when it comes to personal style, I’d rather pick neutral colors for versatility reasons. Now, when I pick an item, I am thinking about how this item can look different enough when I style it with another item I have in my wardrobe.
To conclude those words, turning 30 means that I really have to accept the fact that I have to be responsible for every little detail I perform. A decade runs pretty quick if you’re having fun, and if you know what you’re doing. I’m glad I fought for my will and I am being responsible for that. I would love to study; I would love to have a good life for me, before I could share with a possible other half. That’d be the end game.
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An ode to Cheslie Kryst, former Miss USA winner on her point of view of turning 30 years old. May she rest in love.
